Family Tethers

I am trapped in my room and I'm certain that if I step foot outside, I will be seen and die. OH GOD I HEAR THEM NOW! They'll be quiet for a few minutes to a few hours when suddenly a burst of a language I don't comprehend will permeate the house.

Perhaps I should clarify before someone calls the police while desperately trying to find some kind of address on my blog that will indicate where I currently reside. I will save you the time.
It's not on here.
There.
You're welcome.
Ok!
Clarification time!

My stepmother (who happens to be Chinese) currently has family staying over at the house. While I'm sure that they're perfectly nice people, I'm also sure that any exodus from my sanctuary will result in my swift and untimely demise. They won't even have to do anything.
It'll go something like this:
*step*
*INSTANTDEATHWITHBLOODCOMINGOUTALLORIFICIESTHATSRIGHTALLORIFICES*

So you can understand my reluctance.

...and yes, the all caps was entirely necessary. It adds to the alacrity that the Grim Reaper had when plunging his or her (I'm completely pc on this blog I swear. [haha. That's a lie] Shut up conscience!) scythe of lifelessness through my torso.

...i hear them again...

It's not the occasional bouts of tourettes-like Cantonese that bothers me. It's that there are little children involved. I can be fine with children so long as there is some sort of monetary compensation. I was a camp counselor for two summers. -More on that later-.--Not later this blog post, but maybe a blog post in the future--. ---Sorry, I went off on a tangent. Would that then make this a cotangent---? You can expect this high level of humor throughout my blog. If you would like more of this humor you can send me $35. Or you can just keep reading.

Children break all sense of the decorum of civilized society. I'm half-English. That's all I have! Children will go right up to your face and cough on you. They won't even know they did anything wrong. Then they act all confused when I have to go to the bathroom and scrub my face with lye.

All I can hope for now is that they go to bed soon...

huh?

You want more?

Oh! You thought there were going to be more funny moments. Um, I guess I did kinda promise that. Hmm...

Ok! Here's one: *ahem* What do you get when you cross a hippo an elephant and a rhino?

Helliphino!

haha. Damn I am funny.

If you see another post, you'll know that Death has stayed his OR HER murderblade for the time being. If not, I will haunt the internets for the rest of time.