I was playing Shogun 2 today. I picked the Shimazu clan as I am quite fond of their s-words. I'm sitting there, enjoying my tea when I decided that it was time to go to war with the clan who was systematically executing my neighbors. Rather than underhandedly shouting 'SUPRISE' and attacking them in their rear while they weren't looking, (heehee gross) I do the honorable thing and just declare war.
I take another sip of my tea and in my best English voice say, 'Good show, your move old boy.'
I then proceed to get utterly trounced by a massive army that I'm certain the game just spawned to piss me off. It's horrible to watch as my tiny little men made of 1s and 0s are cut down. Their families now forced to celebrate their honorable deaths as the little binary children now have to grow up without fathers. And I'm responsible! The guilt is overwhelming! I don't know what to do... No longer will they draw digital breath. They won't laugh or cry or... well I don't know if they ever did any of those things. But now it's certain they won't!
I know you're starting to judge me as crazy. 'Tim, they're not real.' you'll tell me.
How dare you? Seriously, how dare you? They just gave up their lives for my cause.
'They never had lives.'
Oh, just because you're made of digital bits, suddenly you're not "alive."
'Yes.'
You're a monster. I don't know how you can... The game just crashed... How cruel of my computer... It wants to put me through that battle again. It wants me to watch them die over and over. It's teaching me the lesson 'Don't fuck with me. I wont just end you, I'll make your life so miserable you'll do it yourself!'
You cruel sonofabitch. I won't give you the satisfaction. FULL RETREAT. Abandon the province and unite all my forces to crush it under a wave of swords.
No mercy.
No remorse.
No blade held.
Damn, out of tea.
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